Life is going on and I am repeating my life day after day. Getting up earlier on the morning, rushing to the office, reading documents, drafting reports, taking part in the conference, going back home, showering, going to sleep.... I do not know what I hope to do, but the life is filled with sorts of things that I ought to do.
I had a dream last night, going back to the teenagers. I enjoyed my student-life in the dreams. I did not need to work at office, did not worry about paying bills and doing chores. I did not need to face the managers and undertake lots of pressures from the society. The sky became even much bluer and the relationship between classmates were much simpler. However, these were all dreams.
Dreams, what are my dreams?! I am questioning myself a lot these days. I had a lot of dreams when I was young. I dreamed to be a astronaut. I dreamed to live and work in Australia. I dreamed to have someone beloved. But all these dreams were faded away.
I fell over myself heavily this year. Something changed in my life. Although I learned a lot and quickly grown up from this failure, something were disappeared forever from my life.
Love, what is love? I am blinded....
Where there is a will, there is a way? Is it true?
I strongly feel loneliness these days, especially when I lie on the bed in the evening. Eyeing on the ceiling and counting the numbers, I force myself to forget something and make a wish that everything will be better in the future. How I hope that someone can break into my heart and I could share my life with someone, who I deeply love.
It is difficult...totally difficult.... Because I am not straight.
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